


It Wasn't Personal

by startrekkingaroundasgard



Series: Ladies of Marvel Bingo 2019/20 [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Tony Stark, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Loneliness, Open Relationships, POV Natasha Romanov, Sexual Content, Top Natasha Romanov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:40:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22751908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startrekkingaroundasgard/pseuds/startrekkingaroundasgard
Summary: It was only meant to be something casual. Stress relief. A bit of fun. As the years pass, though, this thing between Natasha and Tony turns into something more complicated, real and tangible until they reach breaking point. Set from Iron Man 2 through to Civil War.
Relationships: Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark
Series: Ladies of Marvel Bingo 2019/20 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609546
Comments: 11
Kudos: 67





	It Wasn't Personal

_I want one._

From that very first conversation, Natasha knew it was only a matter of time before she ended up here. It wasn’t a surprise. Natalie Rushman had been created to entice Tony, to keep him distracted with a pretty face and a challenge while she did the real work: assessing his potential for Fury’s new team. 

Her assessment was simple. He was erratic, distracted - not just by her body, although that did currently hold most of his attention. The hundreds of testimonies weren’t wrong; Tony Stark was an incredible lover. 

Natasha threw her head back, the chair creaking as she rode Tony. His eyes fluttered shut, his climax coming fast now. She fingered her clit, bucking her hips fast as she chased her own release. Breathing heavily, she clutched the chair, back arched as she came. It was glorious and left her floating. 

Coming down from the high, Natasha found Tony watching her with an odd mix of bliss, curiosity and something else she couldn’t identify. Surprise, perhaps. After all, she’d just strode into his office, sat on his lap and taken exactly what they both wanted. But no, it was something else. Guilt, she thought, but for what? She didn’t know. 

She swung her legs off him, straightened her skirt and blouse. Natasha pulled a mirror from her pocket and wiped away her smudged lipstick, glancing towards a forgotten file on his desk. “Thank you, Mr Stark. Now, if you’d just sign these papers, I’ll be on my way.”

Stunned by her casual attitude, Tony mindlessly scribbled his signature and watched her walk away without a word. 

***

When Tony saw her at the diner with Fury, he hadn’t been able to look her in the eye. He felt betrayed. He’d never trusted her - after all they’d only known each other a few days, no matter how intimately - but the pain of learning her true identity and motive was clear in his eyes. 

It was only after the Chitauri invasion that Tony truly began to trust Natasha again. They didn’t speak often, the team had parted ways to follow their own lives after the battle for a reason, which is what made his sudden appearance on Natasha’s doorstep quite unexpected. 

Natasha didn’t do well with surprises. She was used to knowing exactly what was happening, who was where, doing what and why. Uncomfortable being on the back foot, she wordlessly opened the door and let him into her apartment. 

Her flat wasn’t much, certainly not a home. The walls were bland, the furniture straight from a show home. There were very few personal effects but she much preferred it that way. Easier to let go and move on when the time came for a quick escape. In this moment though, she felt distressingly self conscious about the emptiness.

“Coffee?” she asked, locking the door behind Tony. She didn’t wait for an answer to turn on the kettle, the silence which she normally favoured suddenly oppressive. Resting against the counter, Natasha turned to her teammate and crossed her arms over her chest. “Not to be rude but why are you here, Stark? How did you even find me? This house -”

“Is under the name Rushman.”

Natasha cursed SHIELD, herself, for their carelessness. “What can I do for you?”

“Pepper and I… We aren’t working. After New York, I… I can’t sleep, can’t focus. I’m a mess. It’s killing us both. We ended it.”

The kettle clicked, a grateful distraction. This was not Natasha’s area of expertise. She avoided forming attachments, kept her distance for her own safety. Connections were weakness, nothing more than manipulation, that was what she’d been taught. Those lessons were hard to shake. 

Pouring out two cups, Natasha offered one to Tony then sat on the opposite end of her sofa, maintaining distance. “That can’t be easy but it doesn’t explain why you are here.”

“I don’t have many friends.”

“We’re colleagues, not friends.”

“I know.” Tony sniffed the coffee and grimaced, setting it aside. “Have you got anything stronger?”

Natasha produced a bottle of vodka from behind the sofa. She handed it over with the warning, “It’s Russian. Hope you can handle it.”

“I’ve had plenty of practise,” Tony said, taking a long swig. Eyes widening, he nodded approvingly before taking another drink. “That is good stuff.”

Two bottles down, the distance between Natasha and Tony had practically vanished. Resting on her elbow, fingers teasing the dark curls on the back of his neck, Natasha asked again, “Why are you here, Tony?”

He met her gaze, glasses long since lost down the sofa, more alert than ever despite the alcohol in his system. He sighed with his entire body, dragged his hands down his face. “Don’t wanna be alone.”

“I’m leaving first thing tomorrow for Berlin,” she murmured, what little space between them vanishing. 

“Good.” Tony cupped her face, pulled her into a deep kiss. It was frantic and desperate, full of a deep need to form a connection. Natasha met Tony’s lips with an equal passion, climbing into his lap and clawing at his clothes.

By the time the morning came, Natasha was long gone. 

***

“I thought you’d be going home with Bruce tonight,” Tony said, trailing his fingers over her bare collarbone. His bedsheets were soft, the finest quality, but his touch was even softer as if he were scared to touch her - silly considering just how rough they’d been a few moments before.

“Bruce is great but I don’t do relationships. I can’t offer him what he wants, what he deserves.”

Tony stiffened slightly beside her, his gentle exploration of her body momentarily slowing before continuing as if nothing had happened. “I wouldn’t have known.”

“We sleep together, Tony. Stress relief and loneliness. What we have is far from a relationship." 

If her harsh tone bothered him, Tony didn’t show it. He’d gotten exceptionally good at that, hiding his emotions around her. For the best, Natasha told herself. She knew what they had was hurting him but couldn’t bring herself to end it, no matter what she said. 

Hand sliding down her chest, teasing her nipples as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder, Tony asked, "It’s fun though, right?”

“I’m not going to stroke your ego, Stark.”

“Stroke something else then.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, swung her legs out of bed. The air was cool against her skin as she crossed the room to the window, the bright lights below barely holding her interest. “I don’t like the view.”

“I don’t mind it,” Tony said, a soft smirk on his face. He slipped off the mattress and joined her by the window, body pressed up against her back. He kissed the back of her neck, hands following the curves of her body. 

“You’re insatiable.”

“A beautiful woman in my arms, how could I think of anything else?" 

The tenderness behind the compliment threw Natasha. It made this too real, more than it should be. Hoping to maintain the distance between them, she said cooly, "Tell me what you want, Tony.”

“I want to fuck you here, in front of the window, for everyone to see.”

Natasha laughed. She turned, wrapping her fingers around the base of Tony’s cock. Teasing a kiss over his lips, pulling back as he tried to close the gap, she said, “No, I don’t think so. You’re going to stand here and let me fuck your beautiful ass for everyone to see. How does that sound?”

***

“Everyone knows we’re sleeping together,” Tony said. He was stretched out across her lap, dark hair simply screaming sex. It made him look softer, less rough around the edges. The distance he kept with the rest of the team never seemed to extend to Natasha. He let her see a side he usually locked away.

It took Natasha a moment to realise that Tony was genuinely concerned by the prospect of their teammates knowing about… whatever this was. “So? They’re all coupling off left, right and centre.”

Tony frowned. For someone so smart, he truly was oblivious. “They are?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Steve and Thor bang it out after every mission. Bruce watches Clint and I. I’m pretty sure that Clint and Steve go round now and again. Steve and Hill are always sneaking off together - although I’m sure she has more fun with me. Vision -”

“No. I don’t wanna hear about who’s riding Vision’s robotic dick.”

“You really aren’t fucking anyone else?”

His smile grew coy but it did little to hide the anxiety in his eyes. They’d made it clear, decided long ago that this - whatever it was between them - wasn’t serious. Both Tony and Natasha were free to follow their libido whenever and however they wanted but for some reason Tony seemed awkward when they talked about it - odd indeed, considering his past. 

Natasha ran her fingers through his dark hair and asked, “Come on. Who is it? Steve? Sam? Rhodes? I know you’ve got a thing for soldiers.”

“I do not!”

“Is it Vision?”

Tony shoved her side but only succeeded in propelling himself off the sofa. Natasha offered him a hand to pull him back up which he reluctantly accepted. 

“You can tell me. Who is it? Who gets you hard?”

“Clint?”

That was too funny to Natasha and she couldn’t help burst out laughing. Both men were incredibly submissive and leaving them in a room together without a mistress? That was a disaster she’d pay to watch unfold. “No way. Come on. Tell me.”

She rest her chin on his shoulder, feeling him sigh. “Thor,” Tony grumbled. “Once. Couldn’t walk for days afterwards.”

“He was that good?”

“He was amazing,” Tony corrected, sounding a little dreamy. “Tash?”

“Tony.”

“Are we friends?”

Panic filled Natasha’s chest. She kept her gaze fixed firmly out the window, her attention far from the gardeners struggling to contain the wild lawn. “I don’t know. Are we?”

“I’d like to think so.”

Her heart started beating faster, her mind scrambling for an escape route. “That's… That’s good. I… I’m glad.”

Tony must have sensed her change and sat upright. He took in her expression then pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Wanna come down to the lab and see the new suit I’ve been working on?”

“What new suit?”

“Well, your SHIELD sanctioned one is sexy and all but it doesn’t do much to protect you on the field. So, I’ve been working on something new for you.”

Natasha swallowed the emotions that threatened to burst out over the incredibly thoughtful gesture. “Tony, you shouldn’t have…”

He shrugged, barely pausing as they strode through the Compound. “I wanted to. Promise, you’ll still look sexy. I built it with that in mind.”

“Oh god,” she groaned, suddenly back on more familiar ground. “It’s not got huge breast plates or a deep v neck has it? Steel ass plates? Because you know they won’t be easy to fight in.”

A little offended, Tony said, “No, it’s a proper suit like everyone else. I mean you’ll look sexy because you always do. Especially when it’s on my floor.”

“Very presumptuous of you, Mr Stark,” Natasha feigned innocence, holding a hand over her heart as they stepped through the lab doors. 

Tony grinned. “As I recall, it was you who seduced me, _Miss Rushman._ ”

Catching his arm, Natasha swung Tony against the wall, pressing her body against him. Fiddling with his tie, she loosened it and then slipped it round her own neck. Deftly undoing his belt and trousers, she slipped a hand into his pants and pulled his cock free. “Tell me to stop, Mr Stark, and I will.”

“Don’t you dare. FRIDAY…” Tony’s breath hitched as Natasha sunk to her knees, licking the tip of his cock. “Darken the glass.”

“Leave it,” Natasha murmured. “Let them see.”

***

“I thought you were different!”

Natasha tried not to flinch at Tony’s outburst. She glanced around, making sure the others on the stolen Quinjet were out of earshot. They were too busy bargaining for supplies; they were going off the grid and needed to stock up while they could.

Turning her back to the negotiations, certain that they could handle themselves, she said stiffly, “I did what I thought was right.”

“Bollocks. You did what was best for you, like you always do.”

“It wasn’t personal.”

Tony laughed, a harsh twisted sound that was like a dagger to her heart. “Of course it was!” he said, the holographic image flickering as paced, desperately trying to contain his anger. “It’s always been personal for me. I can’t shut out my emotions like you. I’m not a robot. I can’t help that I fell -”

“Don’t say it.”

“How can I not? All these years, us together…”

“It was just sex,” Natasha said, not convincing herself. “Nothing more.”

Clawing a hand through his hair, the cuts and bruises on his skin catching as he moved into the light, Tony visibly deflated. “No, it wasn’t. It was movie nights and comfort and sleeping, really sleeping, together. Letting down my guard and opening up what was left of my heart to you.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that.” Natasha knew she’d encouraged it, glowered in the attention and savoured the connection even though it had always been doomed to end in disaster. How could it not? She wasn’t built for love and yet it had been there this whole time. She’d simply ignored the infection in favour of the buzz and was now paying the price. “Tony…”

“I loved you, Nat. I loved you and you chose them over me.”

“You don’t understand -”

“No, I don’t. You’re right.” Tony turned his back, hands trembling. “Goodbye, Tasha.”

She reached out to touch his hand, passing straight through the image. He met her gaze, hard as stone, before the image flickered away and she lost him for good.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought!


End file.
